Embracing Healthy Disagreements
Today, we want to share an idea that is very important to us as coaches and simply as people doing our best to live our lives. You have probably heard – and maybe even believe – that conflict is a necessary part of life. Our question is, why?
Why is conflict accepted as a given, an inevitable part of our existence?
Together and individually, we have asked ourselves and one another questions about conflict for well over a decade:
Why is conflict seen as normal in our relationships?
Why do we choose to have inner conflict instead of trusting what we know is true for us?
Why are conflicts considered a “way to grow?”
Why do we settle for relationships filled with conflict when they take away our peace of mind and sense of actual safety?
Why do others consider someone who does not want conflict in their lives “conflict-avoidant” or “weak?”
Why are those who engage in conflict described as “tough,” “strong,” and “confident?”
We both have come to a place in our lives where one of our goals is no conflict – internally or with others. While we are open to healthy disagreements and differences in opinion and know full well that it is natural to see things differently than others, we do not accept that contention and conflict are necessary components of our lives.
We believe that there is a misconception regarding the need for conflict. While many people assume that conflict is a fixed element in their personal or professional relationships, they do not recognize that their belief stems from a misunderstanding of the nature of disagreements: Conflict often arises not from disagreements but from how we choose to handle these differences.
Healthy disagreements are indeed essential for growth and development. They encourage a diversity of thoughts and ideas and can foster an environment where creativity and innovation can thrive. The key, however, lies in how these disagreements are managed. Respectful communication, empathy, and an openness to understand the other's perspective are vital.
Here are some helpful techniques to use when disagreements arise and your goal is to avoid conflict:
Active Listening: Truly listen to what the other person is saying instead of formulating your response while they speak.
Empathy: Try to understand the situation from the other person's perspective. This doesn't mean you must agree, but understanding their viewpoint can be enlightening.
Respectful Communication: Avoid accusatory language and focus on expressing your thoughts and feelings without blaming others.
Seek Common Ground: Look for areas of agreement. This can provide a foundation for resolving differences amicably.
Agree to Disagree: It's okay to accept that you have different opinions. This acceptance can often defuse tension. However, please ensure that when you “agree to disagree,” the connection isn’t lost or degraded.
We genuinely believe that conflict, characterized by anger, hostility, and contention, is not a requisite for addressing disagreements. It often leads to hurt feelings, damaged relationships, and a toxic environment. By contrast, handling disagreements healthily can strengthen relationships and build trust.
As coaches, we encourage you to consider reframing your perspective on disagreements. View them not as precursors to conflict but as opportunities for growth and understanding. Adopting healthy communication techniques can transform potential conflicts into constructive discussions, leading to stronger, more respectful relationships.