Asking for Help

Hello Dear Friends,

Annette and I have been thinking about all of you lately – hoping you are doing well.

We’ve been thinking about you because YOU are the reason we created our Yellow Room – and we care about each and every one of you.

The other day, Annette and I had a conversation about how much courage it takes to come in for coaching. Courage that not everyone has – and courage that we acknowledge and appreciate each day.

The reason it takes courage to come in for coaching is that asking for help and guidance is not easy, and we know it. In fact, we would say that sometimes asking for help can be the most difficult thing in the world to do!

I know this from personal experience.

On my saddest days, I saw every bump in the road as an embarrassment. A personal failure. A source of shame. I felt like I was the only person who felt like I did. I was stuck and didn’t know a way out.

Rather than seeking out help and support, I did my best to act as if everything was a-okay. I smiled, laughed often, tried to be funny and add humor whenever I could, and always appeared as upbeat as possible. But, of course, none of this was how I really felt. Inside, I was sad, miserable, and crumbling.

Sadly, I only asked for help during this time when I was in a hole so deep I couldn’t ignore it and there was no way out.

I remember one hole I got myself into when I was in college – my statistics final exam. Since the first week of being in my statistics class, I had struggled – and I felt so dumb for struggling. As the weeks went on, I got deeper and deeper into my hole, and yet, I tried to ignore my situation and didn’t want to admit to myself (or anyone else!) that there was even a problem. When I would think about statistics, my whole body would feel disappointed in me. Regrettably, I would only push my disappointment away.

As I was literally walking to class on the day of the final exam, I called my mom and told her that I was pretty sure I was going to fail statistics. My parents were always pretty strict about me getting good grades in school, and she asked me why I was telling her this on my way to the exam. Why hadn’t I asked her or my dad (who has a Ph.D. in Economics!) for help or asked to get a tutor? Why did I keep my problem a secret? Why wasn’t I proactive from the beginning? (She didn’t have very good empathy skills back then! 😊)

I didn’t have any answers for her because I didn’t think she would understand the only answers I had.

I’m stupid, and I can’t do statistics. I’m a loser, and there’s no hope of ever understanding statistics, so why even try? If I can’t even pass the first statistics class, how will I graduate with the degree I wanted.

These were my answers.

Fortunately, I did well enough that I didn’t fail the final exam or the class, but I didn’t feel less miserable.

My last-minute cries for help were the norm for many years, and truly, they were the best I could do at the time. I honestly believed that if I asked for help, it meant revealing how much of a loser I saw myself as, so I wouldn’t ask until it was almost too late to do anything to solve whatever problem I was facing.

To tell you the truth, even writing this out brings tears to my eyes. I feel grief and heartsick that the teenage and 20-something me bought into this way of thinking and living. Yet, I know I’m not the only one to do so.

We live in a world where in addition to our pants, shirts, socks, and shoes, we put on our smiles, too.

And this is why I’m a coach and why I’m fully dedicated to what Annette and I do every day in our Yellow Room. I don’t want anyone else to think they are stuck because I have learned that every one of us can heal and learn how to live from a place of acceptance and compassion – for ourselves and others.

One of the greatest lessons I have learned in my life is that it is not only okay but vital to my well-being to ask for help. In fact, I would go so far as to say that when we act as if nothing is wrong, we a neglecting ourselves.

Today, I know that asking for help and seeking out support does not mean I’m a failure or that I should be ashamed of anything.

All it means is that if I could solve my problems on my own, I would have done so already.

If you are struggling today, please know that you are not alone. Annette and I are here for you, and we are ready to listen to what is going on in your life and do our best to help you find a solution as well as bring understanding and perspective into your situation.

Thanks for all your courage!

Many blessings,
Ada