Respond When You Are Ready
Hello Everyone –
This week, we want to talk about something that has been on our minds as we have been teaching our Clear Communications BASICS course:
RESPOND WHEN YOU ARE READY
If you have talked to us for any length of time, you know that when we find ourselves in challenging situations and relationships, we are big on taking time to let our charged reactions, or in Nonviolent Communication terms our Jackal Language, subside BEFORE we share our truth with others. This is important for many reasons:
We want to respond in a way that is true for us and fully communicates what is on our hearts. Our experience has shown us that when we react quickly, through words or actions, we actually haven’t said what we want to say or done what we wanted to do because we came from a place of raw emotion – not a well-thought-out response.
When we come from our charged reactions, we say things we wish we could take back – or if we have the disease to please, we allow people to take advantage of us.
Sometimes, what others have done can be so surprising or even traumatizing that our charged reaction is more of an attack back, as opposed to doing what is best for ourselves in the long run.
When we make a conscious choice to let our charged reactions subside and come from our truthful response, questions can arise:
What if I was hurt long ago? Shouldn’t I just be able to let that go? Is it too late to speak up?
Am I being selfish if I share my truth with others and it impacts a relationship or relationships?
How can I respond in a way that honors me if no one else understands my experience?
The answer to all these questions and in whatever other form they may appear is: HONOR YOUR TRUTH
There is NO amount of time that is the correct amount of time for any situation. Sometimes the charged reaction is over in minutes. In other cases, it can take much longer (six months or a year as an example) to be entirely calm and present to your feelings and needs.
It is NOT SELFISH to share your truth. Holding your pain inside is not healthy and ultimately affects you and possibly others eventually. Remember, as Brené Brown says, only tell your story to those who have earned the right to hear your story – and you do need to let the pain out, even it is to your counselor or coach.
What’s most important is that YOU KNOW your truth. As Terri Cole says, your truth is your side of the street. What others do with your truth is their side of the street and will always say a lot about them. If they dishonor your truth, they do not deserve to be in your life.
It is up to each of us to go within, do our inner work until it's done, and respond when we are ready. You will know when you are ready to respond. Most importantly, it is never too late to say what you need to say. Even if it is a childhood wound and it’s been 40 years, you still have a right to express your truth – but always remember, it is a PRIVILEGE to hear your truth. So please honor it and honor you.
Lots of love to you,
Annette and Ada